Smiles And Toys/Sonrisas y Juguetes

Poem #1 for today is called: “Am I Supposed To Smile Today? I think I forget how to.” It is basically me trying to make sense with life when lights turn off and the darkness seems to crawl back in. Even when friends make me mad and upset, I fake a smile so the whole world can see. But I am not going to do that anymore. This was written on a site called Facebook on October 24, 2009. Enjoy yourselves.

Am I supposed to smile today? I think I forget how to.
With headphones breaking down, my stomach hurting as hell….
and well, my life falling through the mirror,
I am just looking inwards and hope I can find a light.
no light has been shined on me.
Even though I went to the movies to escape from my house’s snares,
it seems like I did not escape it.
I let the snares capture me and make me feel down.
Someone had disappointed me…
I try to smile act like I do not care
but deep inside,
I do and everyone knows it.
Everyone knows how sensitive I can be.
Everyone knows I break down faster than glass.
No matter what, I cry myself to sleep.
Not because of the future, not because of the past.
It is because of being me. I am tired.
I feel dead.
No matter what, I cry.
Does everyone do?
I hardly see people cry in front of my face.
I wish I can be there when the times were rough.
I wish you were here with me no matter what.
I wish you can love me and I can call you mine so I do not have to deal with all these other people
try to hit on my heart and make me feel so damn sad.
I cry…I cry….

Poem #2 & 3 is called: “I’m Not Your Toy/No Soy Tú Juguete.” It is a poem addressed to a very certain man who seems to be toying with my heart ever since 2011. He claims I am not ready in 2011 but who is? I am done playing games and it is time that people can see that. He will not address the critical conditions of my life but still, once he walked away, he was done for. He should just ask me there. But nope…he let me go. And freedom shall be my goal.

Poem #2: I’m Not Your Toy
I am giving up
because I do not want you to take my cup
and pour some hot
gasoline so I can burn up and rot.
You want me in your life
but you cut me with a knife.
With your words that were ever so
sweet but oh dear or oh no
I see your lies
in your eyes
and in your words that I fell for
Well, let’s just say I am going to soar.
Come and get to know me, boy…
After all, I am not your toy.
If you want to play with fire,
I will give you something to admire.
I am gone until you are ready to talk
to me but all you do is walk.
Take a chance on me

Poem #3: No Soy Tú Juguete
Estoy renunciando a
porque no quiero que tome mi taza
y verter un poco de calor
la gasolina para que pueda quemar y la putrefacción.
Tú me quieres en tu vida
pero me cortó con un cuchillo.
Con sus palabras que era siempre muy
dulce, pero Dios mío, o no
Veo tus mentiras
en tus ojos
y en sus palabras que me enamoré de
Bueno, digamos que voy a volar.
Venga y conozca a mí, chico …
Después de todo, yo no soy tu juguete.
Si quieres jugar con fuego,
Te daré algo de admirar.
Yo me haya ido hasta que esté listo para hablar
para mí, pero todo lo que hacen es caminar.
Tome una ocasión en mí


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